Charlie Returns
by Knitted
Summary: Events unravel, and Charlie feels a need to reconnect with Sam. At the same time, depression creeps its way into the teenage boy's life, worrying everyone including Sam.
1. Preview

"Hayden!" his mother calls. "Hayden! Come downstairs, your brother's back!"

Hayden sat there on his bed, wondering if he even minded. Of course, he loved his brother.

But he'd been gone for so long, and so much had happened without him there... brief images of describing the incidents in his letters with the alias 'Charlie' passed through his head.

He shrugged and went downstairs anyway. His brother looked at him warily, and had obviously been informed of Hayden's breakdown.

Hayden simply looked at him. It didn't occur to him to smile or hug him, as he didn't feel like he should.

Kenny, his brother's real name, finally decided he needed to initiate the greeting, so he smiled big and said "Little bro!" and ruffled Hayden's hair.

Hayden laughed at that, feeling the heart strings of yearning for old times being pulled.

"Come on, Kenny." their mother said, with an awkward smile on her face, and gently placed her hand on Kenny's back, obviously nervous. Their father rolled his eyes. "Come on, honey, it's just mindless fun. You don't need to go fretting over every little thing Hayden does that doesn't involve a helmet."

Jill pursed her lips.

Hayden saw this was the perfect time to ask to go visit Cathy, which was Sam's real name.

"Uh, Mom. Can I go to Cathy's place for the weekend?" he asked, sucking in a breath.

She was caught by surprise. "Umm... well... uh..."

"Why of course you can go, son!" his father, Brandon, bellowed from the kitchen. He'd left unnoticed to go make a sandwich.

Or cry.

"So.. where's Tammy?" Hayden's brother asked.

Tammy walked out of the bathroom, smacking on her gum through black lips in response. She smiled mockingly.

"Welcome back, big brother." she said with a hint of sarcasm, and walked out the door.

"Tammy! Get back here and change out of those dreaded clothes!" Jill said, but she knew it was useless and soon gave up.

Hayden stood there. Like he had been for the past few minutes. And he thought about why he had to be there. He had already greeted his brother, and all he was doing was standing there.

But he knew if he started to leave, his mother would get upset. Because people are strange and they think that leaving even though there's nothing to do but stand there and watch is rude.

**Author's Note: So, this is just a short third person chapter. It will be first person in the second chapter, from "Charlie's" view. It's just here to get me started and make me feel an obligation to write.**

**I think I'll just start having him write letters again, but the whole story won't be in letter format. He will switch back and forth from being "Charlie" to being "Hayden."**

**Sorry if it's confusing.. **

**Thanks for reading, even though this isn't a popular section. ^_^**


	2. The First Letter

_November 15, 1992 _

_Dear friend,_

_Sorry to be bothering you again. I guess I've had a lot on my mind. Bill told me that writing stuff down really helps clear out the mind. Writing to you cleared out my mind._

_So, how have you been? Well, I guess that's a silly question considering you can't reply. I'll just tell you how I've been. My brother's back for the weekend, which is nice. I've missed him. Except now everyone looks at me funny and it seems like they're waiting for me to have another episode, even the people at school._

_Word gets around._

_I plan to go to Sam's college to visit her later this week. My father said yes, and my mom didn't argue. She's the most nervous of all. I overheard her telling my dad about getting me a therapist. I think that's a great idea. To tell someone the same things I tell you, except they can respond._

_My parents have started going to church. They told me that I didn't have to come with, but I was always open to. My mom told my sister it would make them a "good example" and that she should try and go, too. She smacked her gum in response, like she has been lately. _

_Bridget who is crazy asked me out on Thursday. I stared at her for a long time before telling her no. She smiled and said okay. Later on I heard from Dave that it was only because she felt bad for me, and wanted to "glue together my broken pieces." I don't want Bridget who is crazy to glue together my broken pieces, though. I want Sam to. _

_Sam sent me a letter. She told me her roommate was a straightedge. Do you know what that is? If you don't, it's someone who doesn't engage in drugs or alcohol, or promiscuous sex. I like the last part. _

_Are you straight edge?_

_I'm kind of hoping you are. I mean, you didn't sleep with that one person at that party when you could have, right?_

Hayden put the pen down and folded it up, then put the letter in an envelope. He tucked the flap into the envelope, then put it on his desk. He didn't feel like he should send it.


	3. If I'm Lying, I'm Crying

_November 18, 1992_

_Dear friend,_

_Life has been getting bleaker lately. Nothing's there to catch my interest. Nothing's there to make me feel. I'm not sad, though._

_Bill says it's depression, anyways. That the chemicals in my brain are unbalanced. That I'm not crazy. That's it's just as physical as if I had a cold._

_I don't believe it._

_I got in a fight again. A boy I'd never seen was getting picked on by three guys for coming out of the closet. They kept saying faggot._

_Faggot, faggot, faggot._

_I stood there watching, the rage building up. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore and went over there and told them to knock it off. At first they laughed. Then I attacked the nearest one. He said faggot the most._

_The others quickly stopped laughing when they realized their friend was on the ground in pain. They weren't very smart though, and decided to come at me. A well-placed kick to the knees and a good punch to the eye made them stand down. _

_They ran away. After that, the gay boy and I stared at each other. Then I broke down crying. He ran to get an adult, and I just sat there wallowing. _

_This is the third time._

_After that, it simply went away and left nothing in its wake._

_I just felt nothing._

_Sincerely,_

_ Charlie_

He looked at the letter and re-read it. It didn't sound like him. Maybe he was changing.. Depression tends to do that.


	4. He Didn't

**Author's note: So. I've been grounded. Hence no uploads. Not like anyone's following this story.. xP By the way, this is actually based off of my own personal experiences with empty.**

**Sudden disinterest in whatever you're doing, not wanting to do anything. Deadweight arms. **

_November 30, 1992_

_Dear friend,_

_I went to Sam's dorm last week. She's not the Sam I used to know. She's... less good. Sam was very nice to me, of course, and polite yet casual so it wasn't awkward._

_It was a subtle change. An easily masked one._

_I think maybe it's due to her new friends. They're the same way, except less mask._

_I don't know.. why am I even writing to you?_

Hayden put the pen down and stared at the paper. He had suddenly lost the will write about it. To think about it. To feel about it.

He didn't even have the energy to crumple up the paper, or fold it up and put it away.

Hayden just stared at the wall and thought, his arms feeling like deadweights. He didn't want to. He didn't want to.

He didn't want to.

He didn't want to do anything, not ever again.

Sit.

Breathe.

Blink.

Sit.

Breathe.

Blink.

In, out. Close, open. In, out. Close, open.

Seconds passed, then minutes, then hours. Finally Tammy came upstairs and opened the door. "Hayden, dinner's rea-" shock's knife cut her words off clean.

She recognized that look. That look of empty. That look that preceeded his 'awake coma.' His hospitalization.

"Oh, shit. Mom! Dad!" she yelled urgently. "It's Hayden, hurry!"

Tammy heard the clamor of her mom putting down the remote and bounding towards the stairs, along with her dad putting down the pot and rushing behind her.

Hayden had heard her. Perfectly well. He could've responded if he wanted to. But that was the thing. He didn't.

He didn't.


End file.
